Truth Magazine

By Rich Gant

My little toddler Betsy has been prompting me lately, by her increasing devotion to me, to take a more careful examination of my attitudes toward the responsibility of fatherhood. Already my stamp of personality is imprinting on her, as it cannot help but do in our baby son, as well. Betsy eats peanut butter because Daddy likes it. She “shaves” her face with her blocks, and wants to “preach” and “lead singing” because Daddy does. She wants to work with her tools, drive her car, and wear glasses because Daddy does. So I find myself looking for guidance from God’s word for help with the important role I have happily accepted, knowing I’m being watched with scrutiny by little brown eyes.

One of the best models we have for fathers is seen in the interaction of the Father with the Son of God. We realize, of course, that there are certain limitations to this model. Namely, that Christ existed eternally with the Father, and that, unlike us, Christ is the perfect son. So, we’ll not learn anything about dealing with “the trouble-some two’s” or “the tyranny of teens” or any topics similar to that. But I do believe there are some vital concepts that we can learn about the proper role of fathers from God’s relationship with his beloved Son.

When we consider the biblical teaching on this subject, the main point is that they had a uniquely intimate relation-ship. We remember 2 Samuel 7:14, when God declared concerning the descendant of David, “I will be a father to him, and he will be a son to me.” The lasting quality of this relationship was announced with power by the resurrection (Rom. 1:3-4). Jesus was ever aware of his special place as the Son. Christ’s use of “Abba, Father” as he communed with God in the garden would have seemed sacrilegious to the Jews of his day (Mark 14:36). Yet Jesus is so confident of his unique relationship with God that he regularly speaks of him as my Father!

Just as the relationship between our heavenly Father and his dear Son is uniquely intimate, so also is the relation-ship between a father and his children. It cannot be fulfilled by some other person, nor is it a relationship that can be handled by “One Minute Managers.” Sometime ago a friend of mine related a problem that had surfaced because his wife was caring for other people’s children in their home. (They were strapped for money and this seemed the only viable answer to their financial woes.) Several of the kids lacked dads in their own homes, so my friend became the closest substitute they could find. They loved him and he genuinely loved them, but the problem was that occasionally he felt the need to demonstrate his special relationship to his own children by taking them with him for some special outing. The other children would usually object and cry out in disappointment. He would try to explain to them the best that he could that, while he loved them, he wasn’t their real daddy. He knew it was necessary to communicate to his own children that their relationship was special! If it meant some momentarily hurt feelings by those who were not his own family, well then so be it. I think he made the right choice. As Christians, we’re often faced with so many opportunities to do good for “all men” that we lack the vision to realize the needs of those closest to us. Indeed, we cannot fail to let our children know daily how special they are to us. If we do fail, we fail to be as God would have us to be.

Another way we fathers can model God’s example in fatherhood is to recognize that the relationship between Christ and his Father is founded upon love (John 3:35; 5:20). If the Father did not love the Son, the cross would be a barbaric bribe to buy off a ruthless god. But it is precisely because the Father loves the Son that they become joint-participants in the price that is paid to God’s sense of justice (Rom. 3:21-31). As they make their way to Mt. Calvary, it is with the same sense of dread that Abraham and Isaac faced Mt. Moriah. For John 3:16 to have any true significance, the love of the Father for the Son must be unmatched by any other relationship! Christ’s death was a sacrifice that the Father made and felt equally  a heartache and anguish born form their deep mutual love.

While I am certain that any father who is reading this article loves his children, let me ask you, how good are you at letting them know it? We men often seem to have been poured into a hard plastic mold of stoicism that keeps us from being as demonstrative with our feelings as we should be, perhaps as a result of our upbringing or our own pride. Sometimes we get tired of trite bumper sticker slogans, but let me ask you sincerely, “Have you hugged your child today?” An older brother helped alleviate a lot of my fears in being a father when he told me, “Whatever you do in correcting your children, make sure that they know it is born out of love for them, and then even your mistakes will be acceptable to them” (cf. 1 Pet. 4:8). Love is more than a word to be spoken  it is an action to be lived.

The reason Jesus can say “yet not what I will, but what Thou wilt” in Mark 14:36 is that he never doubts for a moment his Father’s love for him. The heavenly father did not just dump Jesus here on Planet Earth, but provided for him in every way. He gave him the best of earthly parents in Joseph and Mary, and he provided Jesus with everything necessary both physically and spiritually to live each day as he should. God made sure his beloved Son grew up in an atmosphere of nurturing, surrounded by love, exposure to the Scriptures, the increasing rewards and demands of physical labor and responsibility, and daily bread adequate for his growth. Since such love and provision had been made for Christ throughout his stay upon our planet, He never doubted that what the Father was requesting was indeed necessary. Fathers, if we love our children and provide for them in a similar manner, they will never doubt that our admonitions and instructions are ultimately for their own good.

Finally, we note that Jesus knows his Father in a way that is direct, innate and unmediated. He has a complete knowledge of his Father. None of us this side of heaven can know the Father as well as Jesus knows him (Matt. 11:27; John 3:35; 10:15; 16:15). He knows his Father intimately well and that is why he is so like him (John 1:18, 8:26-29; 12:49-ff). In fact, if we desire to truly know the Father, we must first come to know the Son (John 14:7-ff). In every way possible Jesus is a mirror image of his Father (Heb. 1:3).

Someday your child may be looking into a “mirror” and see your reflection staring back at him. Will he frown and shake his head in disgust or smile and rejoice, thanking God for the earthly father he sent to care for him? Fathers, we must recognize how well our children know us. We need to be genuine and consistent in all that we say and do. God the Father asks nothing of Christ that he himself would be unwilling to do. Jesus can look to his Father and never doubt how he is going to respond in any circumstance. Jesus responds accordingly. Fathers, how are we living? What kind of example are we setting for our children? The brown-eyed child with peanut butter lips will turn out to be a loving, obedient, faithful servant of God  or sadly otherwise  based in large extent upon how closely I model God the Father to her. This may require some sacrifice on my part, some extra effort, some increased self-discipline. But my Betsy is well worth all this  and more.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 13-14
June 19, 1997

By Mike Willis

The United States is rapidly becoming a fatherless society. Dan Davenport reported, “In 1960, 5.8 million American kids lived in single-parent families. Today, that number has more than tripled, to an astonishing 18 million. Another figure is equally startling: nearly 40 percent of our children do not live in the same home as their biological father” (Better Homes and Gardens [June 1996], 46).

David Blankenhorn re-ported, “About one-third of all childbirths in the nation now occur outside of marriage. In most of these cases, the place for the father’s name on the birth certificate is simply left blank. In at least two or every three cases of unwed parenthood, father is never legally identified” (Fatherless America 10). Another wrote that “27.1 percent of all American children are born into single-parent homes, a number that is on the rise. In the black community, that figure is an astounding 68 percent” (Critical Issues [I:2], “Family Values,” Web address: http://www.leaderu.com/critical/family.html).

When Dan Quayle called our attention to this issue by commenting on the Murphy Brown sitcom in which the leading character decided to bear a child outside of wedlock, he was soundly attacked by Hollywood. The New York Daily News headline that reported on Quayle’s Murphy Brown speech was titled “Quayle to Murphy Brown: You Tramp!” However, more and more sociologists are reaching the same conclusion  Dan Quayle was right!

The Impact of Fatherless Homes

Enough time has elapsed since the social revolution of the 1960s that sociologists are able to critically analyze the impact of the breakdown of fatherhood on the lives of the children. Here are some of their findings:

 Poverty. “Over half of all children living with a single mother are living in poverty: a rate five to six times that of kids living with two parents.”

 General Health Problems: “An Australian study of over 2,100 adolescents found that teens from disrupted families had more general health problems, were more likely to display signs of emotional problems, and were more like to be sexually active than kids from intact families.”

 Child Abuse: “Child abuse is significantly more likely to occur in single parent homes than in intact families. In a study of 156 victims of child sexual abuse by the U.S. Department of Justice, the majority of the children were found to come from disrupted or single-parent homes. Only 31 percent of the children lived with both natural parents.”

 Crime: “Children from single parent homes are more likely to get involved in crime than those growing up in traditional homes. Robert Rector, a policy analyst for the Heritage Foundation, has found that across the economic spectrum, children from single-parent households are more involved in crimes and drug than kids form two-parent homes. `The most accurate indicator of future delinquency in children is whether they are reared in one or two parent homes’ (Critical Issues [I:2], “Family Values,” Web ad-dress: http://www.leaderu.com/critical/family.html).

These conclusions concur with those of Blankenhorn in his book Fatherless America.

 Violence: “. . . fatherlessness is a primary generator of violence among young men… Surveys of child well-being repeatedly show that children living apart from their fathers are far more likely than other children to be expelled or suspended from school, to display emotional and behavioral problems, to have difficulty getting along with their peers, and to get in trouble with the police” (31). “Boys raised by traditionally masculine fathers generally do not commit crimes. Fatherless boys commit crimes” (30).

 Poverty: “In married-couple homes in the United States in 1992, about 13 percent of all children under the age of six lived in poverty; in single-mother families, about 66 percent of young children lived in poverty  a ratio of 5 to 1” (42).

 Domestic Violence Against Women: “Of all violent crimes against women committed by intimates during this period, about 65 percent were committed by either boy-friends or ex-husbands, compared with 9 percent by husbands” (35). The situation of a divorced woman con-trolling the husband’s right to see his children, a live-in boyfriend (or husband), resentment for the divorce and child support payments, feeling powerless to change it  all of these created a combustible atmosphere that frequently results in violence against women.

 Child Sexual Abuse: “A number of studies have shown that girls living with non-natal fathers [boyfriends and stepfathers] are at higher risk for sexual abuse than girls living with natal fathers” (41). “. . . a young child left alone with mother’s boyfriend experiences substantially elevated risks of abuse” (Idem.).

 Adolescent Child Bearing: Garfinkel and McLanahan’s study of fatherless homes reported that “daughters of single parents are 53 percent more likely to marry as teenagers, 111 percent more likely to have children as teenagers, 164 percent more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92 percent more like to dissolve their own marriages” (46).

 

Messages We Are Sending About Fatherhood

Our culture is sending distinct messages about father-hood in a number of ways. Television portrays fatherhood in a number of ways. Consider the role of fathers as portrayed in the following programs:

*Murphy Brown: The man is only necessary for sperm to conceive a child. After the child has been conceived, the man is not needed or wanted in the life of the mother.

*The Cosby Show: The man is portrayed as a “Father Knows Worst” type of guy, with the brains for knowing how to run the family clearly residing in the mother.

*Archie Bunker: The man is portrayed as an ignorant, prejudiced tyrant over the family.

We are sending the message to our children that divorce is a normal part of life. In divorce, the mother gets the custody of the children, the father sends child support payments and visits on every other week-end, and the divorced mother and father go on happily in their lives. Parents who divorce with hostility are encouraged to learn how to have a happy divorce. Not ever is the message being sent that divorce is not the solution to family problems. Even in the best divorces, both parents remarry and go their separate ways. The father is consumed with the responsibilities of his new family and his children see less and less of him. Within a couple of years, his children will rarely see him.

Restoring the Role of Fatherhood

In the darkness created by the deterioration in the home, Christians have a wonderful opportunity to display the light of the gospel, both in word and by example.

The word of the gospel is that God ordained that children be raised in the home of their natural mother and father. When God created the world, he created the home. Children were to be raised by Adam and Eve, not some state agency, a day-care center, a grandparent or close friend, but by the biological parents who conceived them (Gen. 2:18-25). The home is not a temporary arrangement for sexual gratification that is cast aside when the “new” wears off. Rather, the gospel announces that marriage is a life-time commitment between a man and woman (Rom. 7:1-6). It is to last “until death do us part.” This stable home is the best environment in which to rear children. Christians need to be preaching at every opportunity what God reveals about the home. The darkness of the world around us with reference to the family should cause each of us to preach what God reveals on the home to our friends and neighbors.

We can display the light of the gospel in our own homes. When father and mother love each other, accept their respective roles of husband/father and wife/mother in the home, and bring up God-fearing children, their home will be a refreshing oasis in the midst of troubled homes. Their children will not be troublemakers at school; they will show respect for their teachers and principals. They will learn their lessons and move on into higher education or specialized job training so that they can assume the roles of parents in their own homes. In contrast to the children of broken homes, this family will be an exemplary role model for others. Non-Christians will see the family of Christians and be drawn toward the God of the gospel who revealed how to have Christian homes.

Other messages about manhood emphasize that father-hood is being respectfully discharged so long as the child support payments are paid in a timely fashion and occasionally the father makes time to visit his children. The father is especially good if he is a “Disney World Father,” one who takes his child to an amusement park on week-ends or otherwise buys the children things the mother cannot afford. Can the role of “fatherhood” be satisfied by a man who visits for a few hours every other weekend?

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 1
June 19, 1997

By Alex Caldwell

Greetings, from your brothers and sisters in Christ at Sturgis, Mississippi! Brethren, thank you so much for your fervent prayers and support. Let us all thank our God in heaven for his rich and wonderful blessings! Let us also continue to do more for Christ and each other this year.

In November of 1996, the congregation decided to put an ad in the local newspaper seeking for anyone who was interested in a complete survey of the Bible. The response was overwhelming! I had the opportunity to teach Bible classes in people’s homes, in my home, and at the church building. For every question that was asked, I gave a Bible answer, because I know that the Bible is always right.

One couple that I studied with invited me to their congregation (Methodist-Baptist mixture). They wanted me to show their members one of the filmstrips that I was using for teaching the Bible survey. About 20 people showed up, and the study went well, except at the very end. One question concerning women preachers came up. As I stated before, I gave them a Bible answer showing that God does not give women such authority or leadership roles over men (1 Tim. 2:12). Some of the women were not too pleased with that answer, but I had to tell them the truth. I will not back down when it comes to teaching God’s word!

The couple said that they wanted to continue with the survey despite the feelings of some of the members. They have completed the filmstrip series and desire more home studies. I will update you on their progress. I continue to teach classes as the opportunity arises.

Now, concerning the Sturgis family, we are growing numerically and spiritually. The membership has grown to 30, including visitors every Lord’s Day. We have a young men’s class which is being taught by one of our own faithful brothers. Every Sunday night, we study the doctrines of different denominations and discover what the Bible says about false teaching. In February of this year, the congregation had its first business meeting. Great ideas were exchanged. The members really want the Sturgis church to grow! We are now preparing for our Spring Lectureship in April. We are doing fine, but we still have more growing to do. Please continue to pray for us and our efforts in spreading the gospel.

I continue to teach and preach every Sunday and Wednesday night. I also continue to preach on two 30-minute radio programs weekly. At this time I am scheduled to preach in two gospel meetings this year, one in Texas and another in North Carolina.

Once again, brethren, thank you so much for your prayers and support. May God richly bless you both physically and spiritually. Until my next report, continue to keep the faith.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 11 p. 23
June 5, 1997

By Boyd Sellers

A recent Reader’s Digest article, “Life Without Father” (February 1997), shows a picture of a lonely-looking little girl sitting on one end of a couch. At the other end is an outline of a male figure to emphasize his absence. The caption beneath the picture reads, “What a man contributes to child rearing may surprise you.” In the article, David Popenoe, professor of sociology at Rutgers University, mentions some of the “surprises” that emerge when a child loses a father, especially in the “modem, voluntary way.” He mentions some of the usual results, including out of wedlock births and teen suicide. Then, though he does not mention God or the Bible in the article, his conclusions would tell you that in order to restore soundness and stability to our homes, we need the kind of fathers God describes. That’s interesting because God’s word is the answer to problems of family and fatherhood and, it is a fact that the Bible picture of the ideal human father is a beautiful, complete, manly picture.

What thoughts does the word “father” bring to your mind? It is so natural and forceful to think of your own father that we sons even tend to “become our fathers” unless we have contrary concepts set before us! We want, at this time, to look at “father” from God’s perspective. We will concentrate on what the dictionary calls the “immediate male ancestor” and we will see him as “nourisher,” “protector,” and “upholder.” One thing that you have to notice in this biblical picture is that “father” is not a passive role. He is right in the middle of what is going on in his family.

Human Fathers

The Holy Spirit instructs, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). The biblical picture of “father” is of one who “nourishes” his children. He “brings them up, nurtures, rears” them. He doesn’t wait until something goes wrong to act. He commands, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart” (Prov. 3:1; cf. 6:20). He is not a cruel dictator as the complete picture reveals, but he is leading his home as head. He instructs, “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching” (Prov. 4:1-2; cf. 1:8). He guides, encourages, and warns  “My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them” (Prov. 1:10). “. . . do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths” (Prov. 1:15; cf. 19:27). In his training, he is moving his children to think beyond today. “My son, … Keep sound wisdom and discretion, . . . they will be life to your soul…” (see Prov. 3:21-26). A main part of the picture is the direction that his “nourishing takes.” In all he does by word and example, he wants that child of his to be all he can be for the Lord! That is his prayer! I have always appreciated David’s words to Solomon as he tried to prepare him to be the kind of king God wanted him to be. “As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind.” He doesn’t just want him to know about God. He wants his children to be close to God! (1 Chron. 28:9). Whatever else his children accomplish, that has to come first.

You might think right now that you want your children to grow up to be super athletes, great lawyers, drive big cars, live in big houses, wear expensive clothes. I can tell you from the experience of one who can see backward now, that none of those things is going to be top priority with you then. I know “children” who have grown up and gained every earthly advantage, but they left the Lord. Their parents are devastated, watching helplessly as their grandchildren grow up either in some false religion or in such secularism that it makes their hearts ache. It matters little then that your children have everything “in this world” in a material sense if you know that they do not have the Lord! But, if they grow up and have the Lord, and your grandchildren are being taught to know the Lord, whatever else they don’t have will be of little consequence! He “nourishes” his children “in the Lord”!

The Bible picture of father is also of one who “protects” his children. He may not have to protect them from “lions and tigers,” but there are dangers just as real. He knows from experience some of the things his inexperienced children are going to have to face and he works to prepare them. He talks to his sons about the adulterous woman. “Drink water from your own cistern” (Prov. 5:6). He in-forms his children about what God has to say about sex, strong drink, money, property rights, faithful wives and faithful husbands, people who won’t work, accepting responsibility, kindness, trust, and honesty. He lets his children know how they appear to others and how their lives affect other people. Young people don’t always like the judgments of their elders, but people “sum us up” by the way we act and, “Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right” (Prov. 20:11). He tells his kids that they don’t know everything, and, further, if they don’t listen to the voice of wisdom (i.e., dad and mom) they are going to fall flat on their faces! “Listen, my son, keep your heart on the right path” (Prov. 23:19). There is pleading in his voice. He knows what his children are doing and they don’t get by with anything! While he is sensitive to their needs, he knows “folly is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov. 22:15), so he rebukes, restrains, punishes, and chastens. It is important to notice that he uses the rod (or switch) when it is needed. And, he says all the things we say, like, “This hurts me more than it does you” and “I’m doing this because I love you.” He knows, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24). The Bible picture of a father is that of a man that, whatever the cost, is not going to let his children grow up without discipline and direction in their lives. He lets them know that he will not be the one responsible for their “destruction” (Prov. 19:18). And further, it would be absolutely unbelievable that this man would ever desert his children! (Ps. 27:10). He is their protector!

The biblical father is also his children’s “upholder.” He brags on his children and lets them know that they are a delight to him when they do what is right. I can hear him telling them, “A wise son brings joy to his father….; “…If your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right” (Prov. 15:20; 23:15-16). The opposite is hard for him to take too. It breaks his heart when his children do dumb things. “There is no joy for the father of a fool,” “… a companion of gluttons disgraces his father” (Prov. 17:21; 28:7). Like the prodigal son’s father (Luke 15), he is always ready to for-give when his children’s hearts are broken over sin. One thing his children know is that whether he is rejoicing with them or playing with them, or chastening them, he has their ultimate welfare in mind. He is working, not to “provoke them to angers but to “bring them up in the nurture and chastening of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). He is giving them him-self.

God, as Father

It should be of interest to note that this biblical concept of “fatherhood” helps us be aware of what God is like, and a good father provides a definite advantage in helping his children understand God.

It is a fact that the very best example of a father is seen in the relationship God has with his people. He is the ideal Father! While the idea is occasionally found in the Old Testament, God as a “Father” is best seen in the New Testament. Jesus taught his disciples to pray, “Our Father who art in heaven…” (Matt. 6:9) and he often spoke to his disciples of having that kind of relationship with God.

The wonder of it all is expressed by John. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are…” (1 John 3:1).

God as our Father gives us every advantage! He is infinitely wise; he is our rock and protector through every storm. He rejoices when we overcome sin  grieves when we fall. He provides us with everything we have (even the air we breath). He chastens and disciplines (Heb. 12:6). And, behind all of the attention he shows us as our Father is the greatest demonstration of love that could ever be shown. He was willing to give his own Son to save us from hell! That’s the kind of Father he is! Someone has suggested that for a quick dose of “humility,” just ask yourself if you are the kind of father God is!

Conclusion

Over 25 years ago, singer Barry Manilow sang a song called “Ships.” It was a song about a father and his son, and the son describes their relationship. Here is one of the sad verses:

“We’re two ships that pass in the night, We both smile and we say it’s all right;

We’re still here  it’s just that we’re out of sight Like those ships that pass in the night.”

It is easy for that to happen  to get squeezed into a “system” like that. Instead of challenging fathers to give of themselves, it encourages us to give kids the stuff our in-creased salaries can buy: a better education  membership at the club  material possessions  nicer homes  extra cars  personal TVs  credit cards  computers, etc. We need to determine that we are not going to take our cues from such a system! We need (as fathers) to re-member that the greatest earthly gifts we can provide our children are our presence and influence while we live, and a great memory of “father” once we are gone. Fathers, let’s take our cue from the Lord.

“We’re two ships that pass in the night,

We both smile and we say it’s all right;

We’re still here  it’s just that we’re out of sight

Like those ships that pass in the night.”

It is easy for that to happen  to get squeezed into a “system” like that. Instead of challenging fathers to give of themselves, it encourages us to give kids the stuff our in-creased salaries can buy: a better education  membership at the club  material possessions  nicer homes  extra cars  personal TVs  credit cards  computers, etc. We need to determine that we are not going to take our cues from such a system! We need (as fathers) to re-member that the greatest earthly gifts we can provide our children are our presence and influence while we live, and a great memory of “father” once we are gone. Fathers, let’s take our cue from the Lord.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 2
June 19, 1997