Truth Magazine

By Mark Mayberry

As revealed on the pages of the New Testament, the church of our Lord Jesus Christ is all-sufficient. It is excellent or complete beyond all practical or theoretical improvement. It is positively suited to the spiritual needs of mankind. It is entirely without flaw, defect or shortcoming. In short, God’s pattern for the church is an expression of perfection. Indeed, when it comes to spiritual things, God has given us all sufficiency in all things (2 Cor. 9:8). In writing to the Colossians, the apostle Paul made repeated reference to the concept of perfection: His aim was to present every man perfect in Christ Jesus (Col. 1:28). This was no idle daydream, because in Christ Jesus we realize fully God’s purpose for mankind (Col. 2:9-10). Those who are faithful to the divine pattern can stand perfect and complete in all the will of God (Col. 4:12).

A Perfect Standard

God has given the church an all-sufficient and perfect standard. By following the inspired Scriptures, the man of God can be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Tim. 3:16-17). James said the blessings of heaven are reserved for the one who “looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it” (Jas. 1:25). Peter alluded to the all-sufficiency of God’s word when he said that God “has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue” (2 Pet. 1:3).

There is no need for any addition, subtraction or alteration to the word of God. Latter-day revelations like those claimed by Joseph Smith, Mary Baker Eddy, Ellen G. White, or the Watchtower Society, are unauthorized and unnecessary. The revealed faith has been once delivered to the saints (Jude 3).

A Perfect Work

God has given the church an all-sufficient and perfect work. It is ideally suited to fulfill the work of evangelism, edification, and benevolence. The first two responsibilities are affirmed in Matthew’s account of the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20). Brethren should be built up in the most holy faith (Jude 20-21). The church should also come to the aid of needy saints (Acts 2:44-45).

There is no need for any addition, subtraction, or alteration to God’s pattern for the work of the church. Let us not become side-tracked with a substitute mission. Why should we forsake the high and holy task of seeking the lost for the inane trivialities of the social gospel? When tempted to misdirect our energy and squander our strength, let us remember Nehemiah’s words to Sanballat: “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down” (Neh. 6:1-3).

A Perfect Worship

God has given the church an all-sufficient and perfect worship. Since worship is directed towards God, he has the right to dictate the kind of worship that he desires. The Psalmist said, “Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness” (Ps. 29:2). Jesus said that true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24). The book of Acts records that the early church engaged in the following acts of worship: Lord’s supper, giving, singing, prayer, and preaching (Acts 2:42).

There is no need for any addition, subtraction or alteration to God’s pattern for the worship of the church. As the author and object of true worship, God has the right to dictate the form of acceptable worship. Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men renders our worship null and void (Matt. 15:8-9).

A Perfect Organization

God has given the church an all-sufficient and perfect organization. Each congregation is independent and autonomous, answerable directly to Christ, the head of the church (Eph. 1:22-23). Elders are to be appointed in each local church (Acts 14:23), where they are to shepherd the flock that is among them (1 Pet. 5:1-2). This arrangement is ideally designed for the upbuilding of the body (Eph.4:11-16).

There is no need for any addition, subtraction, or alteration to God’s pattern for the organization of the church. The manifold wisdom of God is reflected in the simple order of the New Testament church (Eph. 3:10-11). Religious hierarchies and human institutions are, therefore, both unscriptural and unnecessary. Let us not allow para-church organizations to supplant the church in its God-given role.

A Perfect Appeal

God has given the church an all-sufficient and perfect appeal. We have the ideal means of appealing to the lost_.Jesus simply stated, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Man is drawn to God through hearing and learning the word of God (John 6:44-45).

There is no need for any addition, subtraction, or alteration to the appeal that is offered to sinners. Jesus recognized that many followed him only because they ate of the loaves and were filled (John 6:22-27). A carnal appeal cannot bring men to God. Only the truth is sufficient for such a task.

Conclusion

The church is all-sufficient. It enjoys a perfect standard. It has been given a perfect work. It engages in a perfect expression of worship. Its organization cannot be improved upon. It offers a perfect appeal to a lost and dying world. Yet, these consummate qualities are often unappreciated. Only those who have been transformed by the saving gospel can truly understand that God’s will is good, acceptable, and perfect (Rom. 12:1-2). Hopefully, as we draw closer to God, we will develop a deeper appreciation for God’s simple, yet sublime, pattern for the church.

By Olen Holderby

J.W. Roberts, in his small commentary on the first epistle of John (124), quotes Stott as referring to the three lies which John discusses as “three black lies” of this epistle — thus the title of this article.

The “moral” black lie — 1 John 1:6. “If we say we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not the truth.” This is parallel to 2:4, “He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.” So, if we claim to have fellowship with God, but walk in darkness, John says we lie.

Since the Scripture is God’s word (2 Tim. 3:16), this means that it is God calling such a person a liar. Now, if I called you a liar, it would not make you one; but, if God calls you a liar, you are it! God makes no mistakes.

“Walk” is a way of life and without reference to time; while “darkness” (sin) is one way of life — moral or spiritual darkness. John says, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all” (v. 5); so, there is no sin with God “at all.” The darkness of verse 6 is the same as the dark- ness of verse 5; and the light of verse 7 is the same as the light in verse 5. This suggests that only the sinless can have fellowship with God. This thought may seem to be contradictory to verses 8 and 10, which affirm our sinfulness. Not so!

John goes on to show how this sinfulness can be changed: It is changed by the blood of Christ (v. 7), but only on the condition that we confess our sins (v. 9). Christ is the propitiation for our sins (2:2), and he is our advocate with the Father (2:1); but, it still remains that in order to have fellowship with God, we must rid our- selves of our sins, since there is no darkness at all with the Father. When this is done, the door of fellowship with God is left ajar.

Now, if you claim to have fellowship with God and have not done the necessary things to remove your sins, John says you lie. “. . . all liars shall have their part in the lake with burneth with fire and brimstone; which is the second death” (Rev.21:8).

The doctrinal black lie — 1 John 2:22. “Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ . . .” Keep in mind that this would be God calling such an one a liar. John has already said, “no lie is of the truth” (v. 21). Since God’s word is the truth (John 17:17), this amounts to a denial of God’s word. Further, this amounts to a denial of his divine Sonship (5:20), and, a denial of the Father — God himself.

The Gnostics believed that Jesus existed, but they denied that certain divine attributes were his. Matthew 1:23 argues that Jesus was “God with us.” If Jesus was God, he had to possess the attributes of God; otherwise he could not be “God with us.” In Mark 1:22, it is said that Jesus taught them “as one that had authority, and not as the scribes.” The scribes taught with delegated authority and that from their own priestly officials, and they taught their traditions, opinions, and the Rabbinical teachings. On the other hand, Jesus taught with inherent authority, and he taught the words of his Father (John 12:49). Being all-wise, he could cut through the traditions and teachings of men, and say, “This is it!” His word was law and there was no appeal from it (Ps. 119:89).

So, in both matter and manner Jesus proved himself to be the divine Son of God, the promised Messiah. If I make him any less than this, I make myself a liar. Again, “. . . all liars have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone.”

The ethical (social) black lie — 1 John 4:20. “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar . . .” So, if I claim to love God and hate a brother, I simply am not telling the truth — I am a liar. For the third time, keep in mind that this would be God calling such a liar.

In verse 19 we read, “We love him, because he first loved us.” This, of course, is in refernce to God’s love for us; and, who could deny this factual statement. However, this is not true when it comes to loving our brother. We love our brother whether or not he loves us.

In John 13:34-35, Jesus gave the whole world the right to judge whether or not we are his disciples, by the love we have one for another. Since love always does what is best for its object, our love sometimes appears to be cruel (see 2 Thess. 3:6). Man’s love goes upward to God, outward to our fellows, and downward to our enemies.

“And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also” (1 John 4:21). Thus, we are commanded to love one another; and, if I fail to do so, and at the same time claim to love God, John says that I am a liar. And, once again, “all liars have their part in the lake which bureth with fire and brimstone.”

By Daniel H. King Sr.

We all have many choices to make in life. Most are trivial and a few are significant. When we wake up in the morning we may puzzle over which breakfast cereal to have, or whether to have cereal at all. A lady considers which color lipstick to wear today, which dress to put on, and which type of shoes is best for today, heels or flats. Tomorrow we probably won’t even remember how the decision turned out. Many such inconsequential things are thought through and decided by us on a daily basis. We hardly recall the result from one day to the next.

Occasionally, however, we must decide about important things. So many have been the trifling issues in our lives, that if we are not careful, we may tend to treat them as trifling also and not give them the care and attention which such vital matters deserve. The determination to become a Christian is an issue of such consequence that most of us give it much thought and reflection before making the commitment.

This decision puts us into the “house of God” of which Paul speaks in 1 Timothy 3:15. But how much thought have we given to whether we shall be a vessel of honor or of dishonor in that house? In the second epistle to Timothy, Paul considers this question in Timothy’s case. For, Timothy, you see, was making daily decisions which determined which type of vessel he would prove to be in God’s house:

Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some unto honor, and some unto dishonor. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified, meet for the master’s use, prepared unto every good work (2 Tim. 2:20-21).

The Lord’s house is a great house, not a small one. It is composed of people of all types and descriptions. And, like a grand mansion which has special fine china bowls in which to serve the most dignified guests, so is God’s house. Yet that same great mansion has also a lowly bowl for feeding the dogs, and a container for holding the trash. The point which Paul is making is that we may choose what type of vessel we are to be in the Lord’s house, whether unto honor or dishonor. And, just because we have decided to be inside the house does not mean that we have also decided to be a vessel of honor. The two are not necessarily the same.

Who, then, is that person who is a vessel unto honor in the Master’s house? Here are the apostle’s thoughts on the subject:

The Man Who Purges Himself Of Sin

“If a man therefore purge himself of these . . .” writes the apostle. “Let everyone that nameth the name of the Lord depart from unrighteousness,” he had said earlier (v. 19). And later in the chapter he said, “But flee youthful lusts . . .” (v. 22), and, “But foolish and ignorant questionings refuse . . .” (v. 23). His point is that you do not put the trash in the fine china. If there is trash in it, then it is not a vessel of honor. Nor do we feed the dog in a sterling silver vessel. If the dog is fed out of it, then it is not a vessel of honor. How it is used and what is put into it determines if it is a receptacle of esteem or of contempt. But Paul does not stop there.

We need to see ourselves in that light. If our lives are filled with the practice of sin, then we are vessels of shame. If, on the other hand, our lives are purified from these shameful things, we may be suited for service in the Master’s house.

The Man Who Is Sanctified

The idea of sanctification, mentioned in this context and elsewhere by the apostle Paul, is no great mystery. The notion is actually rather simple, though the word is intimidating to some of us on account of the eccentric, and even sometimes bizarre, interpretations which have been forced upon it by theologians. All it means is that something or someone is “separated,” “set apart” or “set aside” for special uses. Most Bible dictionaries and lexicons define it as “to separate from the world and consecrate to God. To sanctify anything is to declare that it belongs to God.” That pretty much says it all. In the Old Testament such items as the tent of meeting (Exod. 29:44), the holy altar (Exod. 29:36), the offerings placed upon it (Exod.29:27), the Sabbath day (Neh. 13:19-22), and the whole nation of Israel (Exod. 19:5, 6) were sanctified by God for his special uses.

The root from which the word “sanctify” comes is the same as that from which the word “saint” is also derived. We are “sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints, with all that call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ in every place” (1 Cor. 1:2). Do we see ourselves as living to please ourselves or to please the one who “sanctified” us?

The Man Who Is Meet For The Master’s Use

The NIV renders this line as “useful to the Master.” A person who loves God wants not merely to be identified with him, but to be useful to him, helpful in his purposes and his work. Each of us has talents which may be beneficial to the cause of Christ, but whether they will be “useful” or not is another question. A hoe or shovel which has a broken handle is not very useful in the garden. A rake with many loose tines will not serve it’s purpose well in raking the yard. Likewise, a Christian whose life is not in proper order cannot be “useful to the Master.” This will ever be a matter of priorities. “Christ has no hands but our hands to do his work today, he has no feet but our feet to lead men in his way . . .” When we recognize that we, in the church, are the Lord’s only workers today, it becomes the more important that we live up to our responsibility to be “useful to the Master”!

The Man Who Is Prepared Unto Every Good Work

The vessel which can serve a useful purpose in the service of the Master is the one which is ready to hand. A container which is hidden in the deep recesses of a closet or a cabinet will not be of much value. Neither will the one which is still enclosed in the fancy box it came in, stored safely in the attic. The vessel of honor, the Master’s “favorite” is the one which is ready for use when work needs doing.

Every cook has her favorite pots and pans, often well used, and sometimes dented and scratched in the process. They may not look like something the TV chefs would use, but she would not part with them at any price. A new frying pan or kettle would have to be “seasoned” and that might take several weeks or even months. The old one is ready for work. It needs no preparation because preparation is already over. As God’s people we go through a similar process. We are at first clumsy and of little use in the Lord’s kingdom. Over time, though, we become more and more useful if we have weathered the preparation stages as we should. This is where we need to be heading, so that we may be “vessels unto honor” in the service of our God. Once prepared, we need to remain at the ready, prepared for every opportunity to do good.

By David and Flora Tant

A careful look at what happens when young people choose to ignore the moral guidelines that have been given to us by our Creator for our protection and for our ultimate good.

This is an important subject — especially today. Young people (and older folks, too) are bombarded with the world’s (Satan’s) standards of morality, or immorality. The values and moral standards which were endorsed by most Americans in years past are now ridiculed and/or ignored by many. Teaching on sexual purity before and after marriage is no longer held before young people as a law of God nor even an ideal goal to strive for. So-called sexual freedom is flaunted as the norm among teen agers and adults and often those are ridiculed who expect and encourage young people to remain virgins until marriage. God’s law is plain: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body; but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18).

God, our Creator, knows our needs and what is best for us, his creation. He is not a cosmic killjoy. Behind each negative Bible command are two positive principles. One is to protect us, the other is to provide for us. God has “good” planned for us and does not want us to do something that will bring pain to us and to others. To illustrate this, consider an owner’s manual that comes with an automobile. I may want to change the oil once a year. That takes less time, and would seem to cost less. But the Owner’s Manual says to change the oil every 5,000 miles. Now, if I have good sense, I understand that the manufacturer knows better how to care for it than I do. Following their advice will save me much grief and expense. And we have also come with an Owner’s Manual — the Bible. It may seem good to enjoy the pleasure of sex before marriage, but the “Owner’s Manual” disagrees. So, whose judgment should we consider — ours or God’s? God’s motivation in dealing with us is love. “God is love” (1 John 4:16). He is the author of love, and he knows all about it. God is not anti-sex. He created sex and said it was good, but he gave rules with it. Rules in any realm are to protect us and give us freedom to enjoy the activity we are engaging in, whether it be sports or whatever. Can you imagine a ball game without rules, where everyone does just what he wants to do? We have one basic rule from God with reference to sexual activity. That is, “Wait until marriage.”

Look at God’s design and plan for our happiness. When we have faith in a powerful and all wise God, we obey without always understanding the reason behind the command. But in this area of sexual conduct, God has provided evidence that his way is best in words and principles taught throughout the Bible.

 

Consider four areas of life that will be greatly affected by our choices of sexual behavior. Look first at the effects of unchastity, so that we can know how to deal with these consequences. There are physical, spiritual, emotional, and relational effects of an immoral lifestyle.

Physical Effects

We saw in 1 Corinthians 6:18 that sex before marriage is a sin against the body. Sinning against the body means losing respect for your body, as well as the body of the one you are involved with. Once respect is lost, it becomes easier to indulge in promiscuous sex. Losing respect then leads to a warped view of love and centers the definition of love around the physical. The emotional needs which God created are not met in casual sex but in the loving commitment of a mate. Only in marriage is it possible for sexual relationships to reaffirm the dignity and uniqueness of each sex partner. Sex combined with love in marriage makes us want to give to our mate — not take. Waiting as God commands gives peace of mind which affects our physical health. We don’t experience the stress of worrying about unwanted pregnancies, or sexually transmitted diseases that could kill or cripple us or our children. Now, of course, the “safe sex” campaign across our country fools many into a false peace of mind. Birth control methods are sometimes unreliable, and the high rate of failure for condoms is not understood among many teens. At best, among those who are sexually active, one in six condoms will fail, and at worst one in three. That’s the same or worse odds as in Russian Roulette, which is a pretty stupid game. And of course the pill offers no protection whatsoever against STDs.

Fifty years ago, teens were warned about two STDs (called “venereal diseases” then): syphilis and gonor- rhea. What has our newfound sexual freedom brought? There are now over 50 STDs, and AIDS is not the only one that kills. And others can cripple and/ or make life miserable. (Herpes is not a picnic.) Some cause birth defects that pass a parent’s foolish decision on to an innocent child. Furthermore, that sperm that causes pregnancy can get through a tiny tear or pinhole in a condom. But the virus that causes AIDS is up to 300 to 400 times smaller than the sperm. So what does that same tear or hole look like to the AIDS virus? It looks like a train tunnel! Dr. Koop, former U.S. Surgeon General, doubts that there will ever be an AIDS cure. It is a virus, and we have never cured any virus, not even the common cold. And do you know about cervical cancer, a disease that is proven to be more prevalent among sexually active teenage girls?

Spiritual

God blesses purity. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). “Watch your heart with all diligence, for from it spring the issues of life” (Prov. 4:23). “We are to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil” (Rom. 16:19). “Abstain from sexual immorality . . . God has called us for purity” (1 Thess. 4:3-5, 7). Clearly God’s word forbids any type of sex outside of marriage. There are spiritual consequences any time we disobey God. “God will judge fornicators and adulterers” (Heb.13:4). Sexual sins brought destruction to Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19. Many Bible characters committed sexual sins and were judged by God. Great trouble and grief came to Lot and his daughters, to Shechem, Reuben, Judah and Tamar, Samson and David. Judgment from God may be immediate as in the death of David’s son or come in future consequences we will face.

Medical science may eliminate or lessen some consequences of my sin, but it cannot remove my accountability before God. Sin separates us from God (Isa. 59:1-2; Hos. 5:6). It causes us to be a bad influence on others, both Christians and non-Christians. Sexual purity is a way to show respect for others and to confirm their dignity as human beings. It is impossible to show someone the love of God while engaging in immorality with that person. When we maintain sexual purity, we can be channels of God’s  love and can accurately represent him to others.

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and “against such there is no law” (Gal.5:23). Waiting for something builds excitement, as in waiting for a birth- day. Sex is something we wait our whole life for until we finally partake of it. A godly character results from patience and perseverance. When we wait for sex till the proper time and place, our character is developed and self-esteem is built. We develop self-control which is required to live a godly life. Waiting builds trust, and God’s plan is for marriage to be built on a basic trust factor. Sexual involvement almost always wipes out trust in a relationship. In surveys conducted, it is found that “sexual intimacy produces more broken relationships than strengthened ones.”

Emotional

God’s plan gives protection from being put on a performance basis. When put on a performance basis with another person, one is accepted only if he acts or does something the way the other person wants. They are respected not for who they are, but for what they do. Their value and dignity is lost. A boy says, “I love you if you will have sex with me” or “because you are pretty, “rather than “I love you.” That is conditional love, and is worthless for building a committed relationship. Without the committed bonds of marriage, sex is inherently a selfish act done for personal satisfaction or gain. We must continue to please for the relationship to continue and that leaves one in a constant state of insecurity. God protects us from being put on a performance basis by reserving sex for the commitment of marriage. Are you aware of the various studies that show that sexual satisfaction is much greater in marriage than in uncommitted relationships? Why is it this way? Could it be that God knew what he was doing when he created us, and ordained the marriage relationship as the place for fulfillment?

The emotional baggage that often comes with premarital sex includes sexual dysfunctions in marriage. Many end up in counseling or therapy to deal with problems related to “teenage” sex. Studies have shown that premarital sex also increases the rate of cheating after marriage. Teens don’t know that when they are young, but God knew it when he gave the rules in his “Owner’s Manual.”

Guilt is another consequence of violating God’s standard of chastity until marriage. This has long term effects on future relationships in marriage, and may haunt and affect a person longer than any other consequence. To have the sex act linked with guilt in one’s emotions because of premarital activity, causes the joy intended by God for husband and wife to be robbed and clouded. For example, a couple I know has been married over 50 years, and sex has never had any meaning for her. Premarital sex did its damage. Guilt is an awareness of having transgressed a standard of right and wrong. Or it may be just a lingering doubt of thinking that some act was wrong.

Our society is plagued by those two kinds of guilt. The first is a moral guilt, which Christians are subject to, which tells us specifically when we have stepped outside God’s boundaries of conduct. It is a conscious awareness of specific transgressions. The other kind of guilt might be called a floating sense of guilt. One psychologist says, “It is indeed amazing that in a fundamentally irreligious culture as ours, the sense of guilt should be so widespread and deep-rooted as it is.” This floating guilt he spoke of comes from a society that says there is no absolute right and wrong. Rather than producing freedom as many claim they are seeking, such are in a constant turmoil. “Are these things I’m doing right or wrong?” These people have no standard, therefore no direction in their lives and are constantly adrift. Yes, they are free — as free as a ship at sea without a rudder. Christians have the Bible which gives direction and guidance to lives and tells of God’s character. (Illustration: A farmer was asked which was better — raising cattle on open grazing land, in a pasture, or in a corral. His reply was, “Well, on open grazing land they are always subject to attack from wild animals or they could wander off and be lost. In a corral they are safe, but somebody has to take care of them. In a fenced pasture, the cattle have everything they need. They are protected, yet have the freedom to graze.”).

The Bible defines our pasture. God has placed intelligent boundaries around us to keep us “home” and to keep away those who would prey on us, yet within those boundaries we have freedom to make choices. Deep down, young people want boundaries. We have seen those who had no rules, no curfews, who could make all their own decisions, but who wanted some guidance.

God has set marriage as the proper place for sex. We are protected within this boundary. Husbands and wives don’t have to be concerned with catching diseases; they are unselfish and open in expressing their sexual needs to one another. They can plan for the family they want and when children come, they are counted as blessings from God, not reminders of a grave mistake. Again, God protects us from shame and guilt, and gives us joy in the sexual union of marriage.

Misleading feelings is another emotional effect of fornication. This often comes from confusion between sex and love. Sex outside of marriage turns the relationship upside down and mixes emotions to the point of misinterpreting feelings. When we mix sex and love, we confuse the concepts of giving and taking. Personal selfish reasons cause premarital sex to take, but sometimes the taking may be confused as giving. A girl gives in to have the security the boy provides, or maybe the popularity achieved in being “his” girlfriend. Many times young people are misled by these emotions and think they really are in love.” The sex is so powerful that it creates a strong emotional bond often when there is little in common and little basis for a lasting relationship. Those mixed up feelings are destructive in a dating relationship and can have tragic consequences if the relationship progresses to marriage. God’s plan protects us from the devastating effects those confused emotions bring. Sex does not constitute love. As Christians, we are to develop agape love, the kind God has for us that gives with no expectation of getting something in return. The 1 Corinthians 13 model of love does not describe emotional feelings, but rather acts of the will. Love is primarily an act of the will, but has tremendous emotional overtones because it has to do with how we relate to people. Our actions of love are tied to our emotions because relation- ships naturally have emotional bonds. Likewise sex has a powerful emotional aspect because God meant for it to be a joining of soul and mind as well as a physical union. That involves the moral conscience which can inflict pain after the physical pleasure is gone, unless the two have become one in marriage. Marital sex is a model of God’s provision to draw us closer to one another and to him. 

The hardship of breaking off the relationship is another consequence. The pain that comes when one breaks up with a sexual partner is often an emotionally terrible tear- ing apart. Even when a couple realizes that fornication is sinful, they may try to find ways to justify the relationship because of the emotional bond formed between them. Sex forms a bond that exists when the rest of the relationship is bad. We see evidence of that when a girl stays with a partner who physically abuses her, and who often treats her like dirt.

Then there is the effect of psychological and emotional distress that comes. Premarital sex has a serious adverse effect on the self image of the partners. Rather than joy, an emotionally crippling guilt seems to be the companion of permissive sex. Sex is such a definite experience that a part of each of us remains forever a part of the other. The effects of this “casual investment” on the mind and emotions is far reaching. Humiliation and a poor self image come to many after sleeping with a person who never calls back or breaks off the relationship. “Let marriage be held in honor . . . and let the bed be undefiled” (Heb. 13:14). One partner accepts sex as love and directs his or her love toward the other. But anger and rejection come when love is not returned. Resentment and bitterness often come toward the other person, as well as blaming that one for causing you to violate your standards. 

We have shared our very bodies and souls with another and when we don’t find meaning in the relationship we feel that we have been stripped of our dignity and self worth. One reason God gives his loving commands is so our dignity will be preserved. That dignity is the sense of nobility, worthiness and honor God puts in everyone. That is a concept unique to human beings and makes us more than animals. The Bible spells out in numerous passages the inherent dignity and value in each person. That dignity and value come because we are handmade by God in his image — God’s spiritual and moral image (Gen. 1:27). If young people can understand that and realize that they are valuable to their parents and to God, it can help them in overcoming the false assumptions of evolution that we are mere animals and, therefore, must behave like animals.

Some try to justify sexual experience before marriage as profitable to see if the two are compatible, but studies show a greater incidence of divorce among couples who are sexually active before marriage. Often these first experiences are not pleasurable and leave greater emotional scars that must be dealt with in marriage. Emotional damage almost always comes as a result of fornication and adultery. There has been a great increase in teenage suicide in recent years as sexual promiscuity has increased, along with increased pregnancy, abortion and STDs. Certainly this unrestrained lifestyle is one factor of the high suicide rate.

Unequal levels of commitment is an effect that is nearly always present in premarital sex and can bring emotional devastation. Especially for girls and women, the sex act has a psychologically binding effect. Sex increases the feeling of closeness to the partner. When this is not shared, one partner is always vulnerable to rejection. “What if I don’t please him any longer?” If the boy is not as committed, the girl may feel she is merely being used by the guy to fulfill his physical lust. God’s design for marriage brings protection against emotional suffering and builds self esteem as we realize we are unique creatures made in the image of our Creator. The sexual bonding as he created it in marriage is for our good. A young person who uses self control to say “no” to sex outside of marriage is building discipline and security into future relationships, because waiting gives your mind and body time to mature. If we do not learn to develop self-control before marriage, it makes it easier for a lack of self-control to lead to extra-marital affairs after marriage. Various studies have confirmed this fact.

Consider the sad case of a 31-year-old woman I talked to whose life is filled with guilt. She began having sex at age 19. She has admitted to having sex with five different men. She has never been married, but would like very much to be married. When I asked her why she began having sex, she said it was to create a bond, hoping that she would be able to hold on to her boyfriend. I asked her, “Did it work?” “No,” she admitted. “Then why do you think it’s going to work now?” She didn’t have an answer. I repeated to her the old adage, “Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk free?”

God teaches that our body is the dwelling place of God, described in 1 Corinthians 6 as a temple of the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality disgraces God’s temple.

Relational

There are relational reasons to wait for sex until marriage. For one thing, sex hinders communication. Sex is often the easy way out to those who have never learned to communicate intimately apart from the physical. Efforts to really get to know the person and their likes and dislikes are often hindered when sexual activity starts. Sex becomes the focus, and other aspects of the relationship have no chance to develop. And a relationship based solely on sex is in trouble, for you can spend only so much time in bed. When we delay physical involvement till its proper time, we allow the relationship to grow and mature. Friendship lays the foundation for love to blossom. By obeying God’s plan to wait for sex, a couple can discover other ways to communicate that will do much in building a healthy relationship.

There is the involuntary comparison of sex partners. This is very harmful to both partners as they deal with mental flashbacks of earlier sexual encounters. These can be frustrating, disturbing and destructive to a couple who later desire to experience God’s plan for true intimacy and love in their marriage. Minds are like computers, as all information is stored there. Intimate sexual encounters which involve senses of sight, sound and touch are not easily erased. Memories are called to mind by association. Something from within us (thoughts, feelings, actions) or from without (through our five senses) remind us of something similar from the past. If these earlier experiences involve hurt, pain, mistrust, exploitation, or guilt, then permanent scars are left which carry over into marriage. This is one reason rape and incest are so devastating in people’s lives. The most important sex organ God gave us is the mind. When two people learn about sex together for the first time within marriage, they are creating vivid and unforgettable memories. These are positive memories that bind two people together in a loving, trusting union without any interferences from the past.

There are damaged family relationships as a result of sex before marriage. Often premarital sex is justified “because we are getting married anyway.” But studies have shown that there are twice as many broken engagements among those couples and those are the ones more likely to be divorced or separated or to engage in adultery. One of the things God protects is the trust and assurance of fidelity that a proper sexual union brings.

There are children who come as a result of fornication and adultery. “Safe sex” is very often not safe as a prevention of pregnancy. Then a child is born without the proper foundation for nurturing that should be there. The exploding violence among teens has a direct relationship to children born out of wedlock and raised by a single parent. What God intended as a blessing of man and woman’s love brings shame, embarrassment, and trouble.

Damaged relationships with parents also come as a result of unlawful sexual behavior. Godly, loving parents can forgive (and must do so), but they will experience hurt and pain for the young people who have strayed from the boundaries God has established.

Last, there is often disappointment and regret at lost virginity. When we lose something we know is valuable, we feel regret. I do not know how many young people have told me, “I wish I had waited.” God’s way to protect us from that is to reserve sex for marriage. There is no chance of heartache later when our first sexual experience is with the person we will spend our lives with. When we wait until the wedding night, we have a most special gift that has been reserved for our chosen lifelong companion. We establish a bond of trust and love that has no equal. God’s design to limit sex to marriage protects us from hurting each other and provides the proper setting in which to express love through sex.

The story is told of a 15-year-old boy who looked and looked for a special girl for the true love of his life. He finally settled on a beautiful ring, and gave it to her as a token of his love. And as usually happens at that age, in a few months there was another “true love.” Again he looked and looked, but could find nothing more beautiful than the same ring he had given before. As you might suspect, the same thing happened a few more times during his teen years. And then at 22 he did find his genuine true love. He looked and looked and looked to find a special gift for her on their wedding day. But all he could find was the same ring, which by now had lost its special significance. I think you get the point. There is no gift as special and sacred as the giving of one’s body. But if we give it again and again before giving it to our marriage companions it will have lost its sacred meaning.

Now, we have seen some of the effects of unchastity and great emotional consequences that come with this sin. But as with all sin, God’s forgiveness is freely given as we repent. We know in his eyes there are no big and little sins, and we know his love and power is great to help us over- come and deal with whatever consequences may come.

We know these things intellectually, but often the problem is we’re not able to forgive self. We may feel we are “damaged goods,” and can never be worthy to make a good husband or wife, or we may be married and still experiencing some of the guilt and emotional scars that come from unlawful sex either before or after marriage. We may feel cheap, used, unworthy of God’s forgiveness and love.

But we must not limit God’s power to forgive and the cleansing effects of Jesus’ death on the cross. His blood was poured out for all sinners — those who crucified him as well as us. God’s forgiveness never ends. We can come to him at any time for any reason and he promises to cleanse and make us whole again as we bring our lives into conformity with his will. 

Dealing With This Sin

Four things are necessary in dealing with this and every sin.

1. Admit that we have sinned and repent as Jesus commanded in Luke 13:3. Repentance is a change of direction or course of action in our lives. God gives us strength to leave old ways behind and start on new paths. Our part is repentance; God’s part is forgiveness.

2. We must accept God’s forgiveness. He is willing and able and has promised to forgive. God always keeps his promises. When we accept his forgiveness, we accept his grace and Jesus’ death as sufficient payment for our sins. If we reject God’s forgiveness, we reject his grace and consider ourselves beyond forgiveness. We say God is not almighty and that he is unable to cope with the magnitude of what we have done. But God forgives and doesn’t keep a score-card. “God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). For those who have never been baptized into Christ, this forgiveness comes upon the confession of our faith in Christ, and our immersion in water (baptism). The Scriptures clearly teach this in Acts 2:38; 22:16; Romans 6:3-5, etc. If this has already been done, and one has fallen into sin, a confession of sin and a determination to turn from it will cause God to hear our prayer for forgiveness (Acts 8:22; 1 John 1:9).

3. When God forgives us, we must forgive self. If you were the only person alive, Christ would have died for you alone. Do you really believe that? If you were the only person alive and you sinned, as Adam and Eve did, God would provide a Redeemer for you, just as he promised Adam and Eve (Gen. 3:15). If Christ could love you that much and be willing to forgive you, then surely you can learn to forgive yourself.

In living as a Christian, we fail from time to time. Yet every day God is waiting to forgive us. Accepting the fact that we sin doesn’t mean we should wallow in unworthiness. God wants to lift us up and set us free from guilt. Only in that assurance can we again be useful in his service. Jesus’ death on the cross is the good news of forgiveness to those who crucified him as well as to us who crucify him anew every time we sin. Christ didn’t come to save the righteous, but to save sinners (Mark 2: 17; Luke 19:10). He isn’t interested in our proving to him how good we are. His message is forgiveness. He wipes the record clean. Spiritually we are a virgin again in God’s eyes so we must see self as now clean, not tarnished.

4. We must show fruits of repentance (Matt. 3:8). If we are repenting, we are turning, changing in actions and thoughts. If we are single, it may mean breaking off a relationship, staying away from certain temptation. If we are married, we may have some of the same temptations to deal with, but we may just need to develop and exercise self-control, to “think on right things,” not old sins of the past (Phil. 4:8; Rom. 12:1-2).

Next, don’t let Satan deceive you into believing, “Well, I blew it, so how can I help others?” Instead, we can use our time and influence to help other young people avoid sexual sins. You can tell them of the bad consequences that come better than one who has not fallen in that area. God can use a forgiven sinner, as we all are, to help accomplish his will in the lives of others.

Lastly, God can give us help in remolding our lives by reshaping our mind from within. He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3). He has given us his truth (John 8:32). He has given us the power of his Holy Spirit (Eph. 3:20). He has given us his people (Gal. 6:1, 2).

(This material has come from our own observations in dealing with thousands of young people through the years, as well as from material prepared by Josh McDowell, Patsy Dawson and others. David Tant is an evangelist working with the Roswell Church of Christ, 11670 King Road, Roswell, GA.)