Truth Magazine

For many of us one of the happiest, as well as one of the most frightening, days of our lives was the day when the doctor said the test was positive and there was a baby on the way. As we looked into the eyes of our spouse and held each other close we knew that we were embarking on a new and exciting adventure. Do your remember the feeling? Do your remember the love you felt for that person you had chosen to spend your life with? Do you remember the feeling of responsibility knowing that you were going to be bringing a new life into this world? Remember the countless hours spent in discussion about how you were going to raise that child, what you would and would not do? Oh, the innocence of inexperience! Remember the childbirth classes, the shopping, the showers, and all of the things that go along with the impending arrival of a new addition to a family?

What a blessing it is to be parents! The psalmist wrote in Psalm 127:3-5, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”

God’s plan for the family is a wonderful thing — one man and one woman together for life, being fruitful and multiplying, bringing children into the world. Within his plan God has provided for the physical needs of the child, for the intellectual needs of the child, and for the spiritual needs of the child. To summarize how God has provided for these needs we can simply say, “the parents.”

The responsibility to provide for the physical needs of the child is found in such passages as 1 Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” When it comes to the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual needs, such passages as Deuteronomy 6:6-7 and Ephesians 6:4, show that God has placed the primary responsibility in these areas on the shoulders of the parents. When we choose to become parents, we choose to assume these responsibilities. If ever there is a situation where God would have us to put the needs of others before ourselves it is in the realm of parenting. Certainly, when it comes to manifesting genuine care and concern for others, our children must be at the top of the list. Why is it then that we are seeing more and more parents within the Lord’s church acting like those in the world when it comes to their children and their parental responsibilities?

I truly believe with all of my heart that, barring death, a child has the God-given right to grow up with both parents. Surely that truth is contained in our Lord’s teaching concerning marriage in such passages as Matthew 5:32, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” God’s intention is that marriage consist of one man and one woman together for life. I truly believe that a child has the God-given right to have all of his or her needs provided through the faithful fulfillment of their responsibilities by the parents. Yet more and more we are seeing parents fail miserably in this area and the children suffering because of it, and it is happening within the church.

There is a passage of Scripture that I would like to take out of its context because the wording of it fits this topic. It is found in Genesis 42:22 and is a statement Reuben made to his brothers concerning their ungodly treatment of their brother, Joseph. Reuben said, “Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child: and ye would not hear? Therefore, behold, also his blood is required.” When marriages deteriorate into unhappiness and discontent, or when they dissolve altogether and end in divorce; the children of that marriage are being “sinned against.”

A child should not be deprived of the constant presence of a mother or a father. The child has the God-given right to both. A child should not have to listen to his mother and father fight. A child should never have to choose one parent over another and certainly should never have to hear one parent trying to convince him to choose over the other parent. A child should not have to undergo emotional problems because he or she somehow feels responsible for the ungodly behavior of the parents. A child should never have to be used as a pawn in a power struggle between two adults who brought that child into the world. I stood in a courtroom hallway one time and watched and listened as two “divorce” lawyers (representing two Christians) negotiated over the children. They were actually bargaining with one another as the parents sought to win the battle, and the children were the bounty. A child should never have to be deprived of one set of the grandparents. There are times when a divorce is scriptural, but even that is brought about because of sin, and it is always the children who suffer.

Even within a family that stays together there are ways that the children can be “sinned against.” In our modern society it is often the case that both the mother and the father work outside of the home. There are circumstances where this arrangement is necessary simply to provide for the necessities of life — food, clothing, shelter, and so on. There are many other situations in which this arrangement is found where the primary purpose is not to provide the necessities, but to provide the luxuries. And so the children often have the best toys money can buy, and all of them; they have the nicest clothes, money in their pocket, late model cars to drive, and everything else of a material nature they desire — but they don’t have their parents at home to talk to.

It certainly seems that money breeds the desire for more. Let me give you a common scenario that is often played out. There will be a married couple, both of them working and spending everything they make. Children come but they are too far in debt to allow the mother to stop working, so the children go into day care. Day care costs a lot of money, so every bit of extra they might have had now goes to paying that. However, the more this couple has the more they want. So as one credit card gets paid off, another gets filled up. Or perhaps even more frequently, when one credit card hits its limit, another one is applied for, received, and used. Soon the old house is not good enough. A new one is needed in a nicer neighborhood with a huge monthly payment. New cars are also added to the mix, and even though they may be moving up in their companies, they are also moving deeper and deeper into debt. All overtime must be worked, both of them are constantly tired, and with that tiredness comes a certain shortness of temper. They fuss with one another, they fuss with the kids, and what the kids really wanted more than anything else was their mom and dad.

In this common scenario attendance at services and Bible study becomes just another demand on their limited time. Instead of being an oasis of calm and a time of spiritual refreshing, it becomes more of a chore. Before long you will hear, “I was just too tired to come,” and sitting at home with the parents are the children. Their Bible study is neglected but not their education. For as they sit at home with their parents who are just too tired to go to services, those children are learning. They are learning that there are other things more important than service to God. They are learning that secular work and the things it will buy are more important. They are learning that physical comfort is more important. They are learning that God fits in when it is convenient to put him in. When this happens, the children involved are being “sinned against.”

It is sad, but true, that many times couples become more spiritually minded as they get a little older and wiser. They will become more faithful in their attendance and even start to get personally involved in the work of the church. Often- times these same couples will suffer the terrible heartache of seeing their children leave the Lord altogether and with tears in their eyes express a lack of understanding, “How could this have happen?” Maybe it is because when the children were little and the foundations were being laid, the parents were most concerned about the things that matter the least. The truth of Proverbs 22:6 is seen every day, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

By Leon Mauldin

Who Can Marry?

The Bible teaches that there are three classes of people who are eligible for marriage. One class would be those who have never been married. God’s will from the beginning was, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall be- come one flesh” (Matt. 19:4, 5). A second category would be those whose spouses have died. Paul said, “For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband. So then if, while the husband liveth, she be joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if the husband die, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be joined to another man” (Rom. 7:3, 4). The third category is those who have put away their spouses for fornication. Jesus said, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery” (Matt. 19:9). These, and only these are eligible to marry. No other persons have the scriptural right to marry.

When we see defined from Scripture those who are not eligible to marry, we have also at the same time learned who is not eligible to date. If one is not free to marry, he is not eligible to date!

Is It Lawful To Divorce If One Doesn’t Remarry?

Just here we need to notice the binding nature of marriage. Sometimes people reason that divorce is not wrong, so long as one does not remarry. But consider 1 Corinthians 7:10-11: “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (NKJV). The Lord’s command, the charge (ASV), is, “Don’t divorce.” This is not a passage giving permission to divorce. But the text does address the issue of what to do when divorce has occurred. The text says, “. . . let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband.” The reason these instructions are given can be easily understood in light of our opening paragraph. Reconciliation is desirable, but is not always possible. But remarriage to another is not permitted. If one has put away his spouse for any cause other than fornication, he is not in a position to choose to marry. If one is the “put-away” party in a divorce, he is not scripturally qualified to select another companion. For these persons, another marriage with anyone (with the exception of being reconciled to one’s spouse, 1 Cor. 7:11), is simply not an option that they have!

What About Dating?

There has been good teaching regarding the sinfulness of the un- lawful, adulterous marriage. This is not the thrust of this article. Here is the specific issue we want to deal with: How do divorced persons (those not free to marry) stand in regard to such activities as dating? Actually, an understanding of who is scripturally eligible to marry helps us to see who is eligible to date. Now it is obvious that those whom we saw are scripturally free to marry are also free to date. But what of those who are not eligible to marry? The Bible’s answer is that such are to “remain unmarried.” Of course this means that one cannot contract another marriage. But we are raising a practical question in asking, “Is one who is ineligible to marry in a position to date?” What if one reasons, “I know I can’t remarry, but we’re just friends,” or “I don’t ever plan to marry again, but I need companionship, and I just take her out to have someone to talk to”?

Actually, those who reason in this manner are usually just deceiving themselves. Have you ever noticed that we usually end up marrying someone whom we have dated? The dangers ought to be apparent. One who dates a person who is ineligible for marriage is truly “playing with fire.” The chances are good that he will end up in an unscriptural marriage.

But what if they do not ever marry? Does the dating of divorced persons meet with God’s approval? We again insist that when we see from the Scriptures who is eligible to marry, we have defined for us who is eligible to date. Persons eligible to marry are free to be together, talk, court, and plan (of course with all activities conforming to God’s standard of morals and purity, etc.) because they are in a position to follow through on the fruition of courtship; their relationship may culminate in marriage if they so choose. On the other hand, when we see defined from Scripture those who are not eligible to marry, we have also at the same time learned who is not eligible to date. If one is not free to marry, he is not eligible to date!

Sometimes one who is himself free to marry will be attracted to one who is ineligible. Before long, the two may agree to go on outings of various kinds together. A man needs to recognize that when he is with a woman who has divorced her spouse for any cause other than fornication, or one who has been divorced, he is with another man’s wife. The woman (even if she on her part may be free to marry) who accepts the invitation to go somewhere or do something with a divorced man (i.e., dating), needs to recognize that she is with someone else’s husband.

This truth can be seen clearly enough if we are considering a married couple, two who are living in the marriage relationship and are not divorced. While one may have friends of the opposite gender; married Christians recognize that they are not in a position to date those friends (and of course should not want to). But why would that be wrong? Because they are married, they are not eligible to date. A Christian husband does not, for example, reason, “My wife cannot go with me to the gospel meeting tonight, so I will go by a friend’s (female) house, and take her with me, for companionship, of course.” The very same principle is involved when a divorced person is dating, and going on outings, etc. The one who accompanies him is with someone else’s spouse! Therefore, an unscripturally divorced person may not date for the same reason that a married person may not date. Neither is free to do so; both are ineligible to do so!

While one hopefully has many friends, a spouse who seeks to please God recognizes that there are bounds which he must not cross. For example, a Christian spouse does not take a friend of the opposite sex for an all-day trip to town and arrive back home late in the evening. The issue is not one of whether he may have friends, but rather one of that conduct in which he may properly (before God) en- gage. One who is himself free to marry cannot (with God’s approval) put himself in the above type of situations with divorced persons, because they are not free.

If the idea persists, “I still don’t see anything wrong with divorced persons dating,” we would ask, “Is it possible for it to become wrong at any point short of an adulterous marriage, and if so, at what point?” Is it right if the relationship is “casual,” but wrong if it is “serious”? If so, how serious does it have to become? Would it be steady dating, or engagement, before it became wrong? I believe the relationship becomes wrong when it starts, just as the same relationship would be wrong for married persons.

It would perhaps be appropriate here to also give attention to the “singles” seminars, rallies, classes, etc. While nothing is intrinsically wrong with special studies for singles, we object to the church’s providing opportunities for persons to find companions, with no regard as to whether or not they are eligible for marriage. One brochure I received for a “Single Adult Rally” is typical of advertising of such events. It included the following topics: “Laying Bricks or Throwing Stones,” “Singles, Sex and Sanity,” “Single Parenting: Building a Christian Foundation,” “Single Again,” “ Success or Survival,” “Building Success as a Single Woman,” and “The Body Beautiful.” To be fair, the topics are not necessarily wrong in themselves. But one wonders just what would be taught in that setting on those subjects. But consider also what is not listed. Keep in mind that this “rally” will include those who are “single-again” without distinction as to why one is single again (i.e., regardless of whether or not one has a scriptural divorce). Yet the listing of topics does not include, “A Discussion of Matthew 19:9,” or “What the Bible Teaches Regarding Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage,” or “It Is Not Lawful For Thee To Have Her.” To the extent that such programs for singles involve a compromise of truth regarding God’s marriage law we stand opposed to them. To the extent that they provide opportunities for “companionship” and dating for those who are not scripturally free to marry, they are in violation of the Word of God.

If you are free to marry, you still have to make some choices regarding whom you will date. Restrict your dating to those who are eligible to marry. Don’t date anybody that is not a proper subject for marriage. We would encourage you to be a faithful Christian and marry a faithful Christian. If you are divorced (unscripturally) you need to recognize your standing: If you are not free to marry, you are not free to date!

By Richie Thetford

Since last August our adult class has journeyed through the pages of the Old Testament from Joshua to Esther. In that journey one thing stands out above anything else and that is for the most part the children of God were obedient to God when their chosen leader followed God. There were Joshua, Samuel, Saul, David, Solomon, Asa, Jehoshaphat, Joash, Amaziah, Uzziah, Jotham, Hezekiah, and Josiah. When all of these individuals dedicated themselves to serving God, then the people followed after them and served God also. During all this period of time the children of Israel drifted in and out of faithfulness to Almighty God, as their leaders changed in name and heart.

Then two other individuals came on the scene, both determined to serve God. These two were Ezra and Nehemiah. When the children of God were released from captivity and allowed to return to their land, Ezra came later with the purpose of turning their hearts to God. We read in Ezra 7:10: “For Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments.” Ezra was determined to serve God and to get the children of Israel to do likewise. He preached to the people and turned them from social, moral, and religious degeneracy. The people followed Ezra’s preaching and even disposed of their wives and children that they had no right to. Ezra had turned the people’s hearts to serve the Lord their God — or did he? Were the children of Israel truly worshiping God, or following the commands and teachings of Ezra because of the man?

Later we read about Nehemiah, another great man of God coming to Jerusalem to build the wall that had been destroyed years earlier. He gathered the people together and they were working together to build the wall. When the wall was completed, Ezra came and read to the people the law of God. The people showed great reverence to the law of God and worshiped God Almighty. They even made a covenant unto God to hold true to his statutes and ordinances. We see a people that seems to be devoted to God and following after him. But then Nehemiah leaves Jerusalem and travels back to Babylon. We don’t know how long he was gone but when he returned to Jerusalem the people of God had drifted into apostasy! Nehemiah had to once again restore the people to follow after God.

What can one learn from this? God’s people only seemed to be motivated to serve him when they were happy with the leader that was motivating them to do so! They seemed to be obeying the teacher and not the teachings. God sent individuals such as Ezra and Nehemiah to help his children see the necessity in serving him. God also used many prophets to speak to the people urging them to repent and serve him with all their heart!

Do you know of those today that seem to be following the preacher instead of the teachings of the preacher? Some Christians seem to serve God faithfully as long as they are satisfied with the existing preacher and his work. I know of a case where the preacher left a local work and moved across town to work with another group and one family went with him. There are many cases of Christians that have given up and drifted into unfaithfulness when the local preacher left. Their hearts were not really set on serving God. We are told by Jesus in Mark 12:30: “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” When all Christians are determined to serve God first and foremost, no matter who the preacher is, then they will be able to adjust to any situation because their trust and loyalty is in God Almighty, not a man! We need to be like Ezra of old and have our hearts set to be determined to serving and obeying God. Let us not attach ourselves to decrees of men (Col. 2:20-

22; 2 Tim. 4:3), but rather to hold fast to all the oracles of God (1 Pet. 4:11)!