by Keith Hamilton
Synopsis: “Trust” in one’s relationship with others is so precious and valuable that it is vitally important that nothing is done to tarnish that characteristic.
“Trust.” With that word, I would begin a discussion with members of management. I would add, “That is the only thing you have going for you as a manager. If you destroy the trust that the people have in you, you destroy your credibility. Your ability to lead them is gone.” That conclusion was not made lightly and resulted from years of observation. I understand that a person by virtue of the “position of command” might be able to get people to do what they tell them to do because they are the “boss.” However, bossing people and leading them are two different things. Leaders accomplish great things because of the willingness of people to follow. That is why it is so important that a leader gains/earns the trust of others. Folks think that, when I discuss these leadership principles, I am just applying them to the business or corporate environment. I hope that such is not the case with those who are reading this. Whether one is leading in the home, workplace, school, civic group, and even in a local congregation of the Lord’s people, it is vitally important that you, as a leader, have the trust of those you are trying to lead. How can a husband lead a wife who does not trust him? How can parents lead their children if they do not have their trust? How can an eldership lead a congregation that does not trust them? “Trust” in one’s relationship with others is so precious and valuable that it is vitally important that nothing is done to tarnish that characteristic. Once lost, it is almost impossible to regain. Also, establishing trust is necessary when dealing with trying times. Raymond Berry (former head coach of the New England Patriots) stressed how important it was to develop a trusting relationship with his players. He stated his reason for such in this way, “When bad times come, and they will come, you will have the relationship with others necessary to work together to overcome adversity.” It is one thing for leaders to get others to follow them when things are fine. The question is, “Do you have their trust to where they will trust your judgment and follow you when things are bad?” Many organizations are struggling with their ability to lead others today. “Trust” has been lost in our highly skeptical world. Leaders are not effective because they do not have the trust of others. One of the reasons given for such is that leaders are not viewed as “authentic.” Therefore, one of the trending discussions for organizations is that of “Authentic Leadership.” Just do a Google search of “authentic leadership” and see the results. I never cease to be amazed at things people struggle with. The same principles found on the “old paths” of the Bible that have guided people for thousands of years are just as relevant today (Jer. 6:16). Christians should not have a problem with being “authentic.” We are taught not to be hypocrites, i.e., fake or pretenders (Matt. 6:2, 5, 16). Our Lord is the example of an authentic leader. Jesus was who He was and was confident in Himself, regardless of the opinions of others. He could eat with sinners and commune with those that were deemed “unfit” without others affecting Him in a negative way. Jesus influenced others! He did not allow people to pour Him into the mold they made. That is what leaders do. They shape, mold, and influence others. They are not negatively affected by the opinions of others. They are determined to do good to help others regardless of who they are with and opinions to the contrary. Yes, Jesus is the greatest example of leadership to which one may look. Let us look at a few points to help develop trust.
The fidelity of God is without dispute (Heb. 11:6). God keeps His word. That much is certain. We too must keep our word. Leaders cannot retain the trust of others when they do not keep the commitments they make. When you make a commitment to someone, keep it—even if it makes things hard for you. Keep it even if there is something else you would rather do with your time. Keep it even if a “better opportunity” comes your way. In identifying the person who would “reside” with the Lord, King David describes that person as “One who walks with integrity,” and “He takes an oath to his own detriment and does not change” (Ps. 15:1-5, NASB). If you want to be an effective leader, keep your commitments (word) to your boss, fellow workers, brethren, and—importantly, your family. Their willingness to trust and follow you depends on it.
I have often advised managers and warned them to never bargain with their direct reports. When one bribes others or bargains with them by saying, “If you do this, then I will do that” you are creating a relationship that is mercenary. I cringe when I hear some parent use this with their child. Stop it! A trusting relationship is one where people do what they should without seeking a reward for doing the “right thing.” As a parent, I wanted my children to learn to do what was right when others around them were not. I wanted them to know to do the right thing when I was not around and could not see or praise them for making the right choice. As a manager, I trusted those who reported to me to do the right thing. I wanted them to trust me so that they knew I would support them for doing the right thing when I was not there. A leader has the trust of others when they can get them to do what is right without receiving recognition or a reward for so doing. “When you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing” (Matt. 6:3, NKJV)
“Yea, they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with their finger” (Matt. 23:4, ASV). Jesus points out the observable hypocrisy of the Scribes and Pharisees. As the religious leaders of the Jews who sat in “Moses’ seat,” their style of leadership could turn people away from religion and the true God. People want and need to see their leaders “out front.” When leaders set the example, they earn respect and trust. Contrast the actions of the scribes and Pharisees with that of our Lord. Jesus rose from the supper table, girded Himself with a towel, and washed the feet of His disciples (John 13:3-5). As their leader, Jesus stooped to serve them (exhibiting “servant leadership”). The impression was indelible. Later, He said, “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:14-15). Jesus set the example and the bar high for His disciples. He expected nothing of them that He was not willing to do Himself. Leaders need to learn this principle if they wish to gain the trust of those whom they are leading. Do not expect others to do what you are not willing to do yourself.
A friend who had been reading my thoughts on leadership recently sent me a note. He said, “When I was in the military, we were all trained to be leaders. There would come a time when we would be expected to lead.” I smiled when I read his note. He got it. Everyone needs to learn to be a leader and then lead. Take the initiative and be proactive. Do not wait for others to take the lead in a situation when you have the opportunity. Yes, it is not always easy. That first step may be scary. It is possible that you will fail, be criticized, and even ridiculed. You may be afraid of the risks. However, I would encourage you with the words of Mordecai to Esther, “For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). “For such a time as this.” Those words are haunting. We are in a time when we need Christians to be leaders. Gain the trust of others by keeping your word, letting your “yea be yea and your nay be nay” (Matt. 5:37), setting the example and then take the lead. I pray these series of lessons have been helpful and welcome discussions on this important subject. May the Lord bless you in your efforts to lead others home.
