by Mark Mayberry
Synopsis: Sexual immorality is rampant in contemporary culture. By reemphasizing the roles, relationships and romance of marriage, we can avoid the perils that would otherwise destroy present happiness and future hope.
Let us consider the roles, relationships, and romance of marriage. What is the biblical pattern? What consequences and costs accrue when men reject the teaching of Sacred Scripture?
The biblical pattern defining the roles of husbands and wives involves headship and submission. This same principle is seen in God's relationship with Israel and Christ's preeminent position over the church.
God called Israel into a conditional ("if. . .then") covenant, in which He would provide leadership and protection if they promised to obey His will (Exod. 19:3-6; 23:20-23; Lev. 26:18-22).
Since Christ is head of the church, local congregations (and Christians who compose such) must submit to His divine authority. Individually, we must faithfully obey Him in all aspects of life. We must collectively follow the biblical pattern that governs the church's work, worship, organization, terms of admission, membership conditions, etc. (Matt. 28:18-20; Eph. 5:22-33).
The same principle governs the marital relationship. As seen in Ephesians 5 and parallel passages, husbands should manifest loving leadership, and wives must render respectful submission (Col. 3:18-19; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-7).
In a culture corrupted by feminism, many reject this approach. Militant feminists rail against the patriarchy, mocking the concept that men have power over women, denouncing the stratification of power and privilege by gender. Yet, dismissing the teaching of Sacred Scripture has not brought deliverance from domestic oppression. Instead, confusion, conflict, and crisis confront modern marriages.
The biblical pattern for the relationship of husbands and wives involves helpfulness, knowledge, and understanding. This same principle is seen in God's relationship with Israel and Christ's connection with the church.
Recognizing that it was not good that man should be alone, God said, "I will make him an help meet for him" (Gen. 2:18, AV/KJV). Note modern English renditions of this statement: I will make him a helper suitable for him (NASB). I will make him a helper fit for him (ESV). I will make him a helper as his partner (NRSV).
The Hebrew word ezer, translated "help meet" (KJV) or "helper suitable" (NASB), occurs 16x in 16 verses. Swanson says it refers to one who serves as a "helper, assistant, i.e., one who assists and serves another with what is needed" (6469).
Ezer describes the relationship God shared with His chosen people. In Deuteronomy 33, Moses pronounced a blessing upon the tribes of Israel. Concerning Judah, Moses said, "May You (God) be a help (ezer) against his adversaries" (v. 7). Of the people as a whole, he declared, "Blessed are you, O Israel; Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, Who is the shield of your help (ezer) and the sword of your majesty!" (v. 29).
God helps His people—blesses and guides. He protects and provides. Praying for help against persecutors, David pleaded, "I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, O God! You are my help (ezer) and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay" (Ps. 70:5). Affirming that the Lord is the Keeper of Israel, Psalm 121 says, "I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help (ezer) come? My help (ezer) comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth" (vv. 1-2).
Obviously, this Hebrew word is not found in the Greek New Testament, yet Wthe concept permeates every page. It is echoed in Jesus's invitation, "Come to Me. . ." (Matt. 11:28-30; John 7:37-38). Individually and collectively, our Lord and Master helps His followers be better (Eph. 5:25-30).
Marriage is a mutually supportive relationship. As noted, God created Eve as a helper suitable for Adam (Gen. 2:18-24, esp. vv. 18 & 20). In like manner, husbands should be considerate and understanding, dwelling with their wives according to knowledge (1 Pet. 3:7-9).
In a culture corrupted by selfishness, many reject this approach. Self-seeking rules the day! Yet, it is inherently self-defeating. When we put our wants and wishes above those of our spouse, heartache ensues. Whenever men reject the concept of receiving God's help, choosing the path of self-will and sin, disaster follows.
The biblical pattern for the romance of husbands and wives involves agape love and exclusive intimacy. This same principle is seen in God's relationship with Israel, and Christ's with the church.
What is romance? In the context of our present discussion, the noun refers to "a pleasurable feeling of excitement and wonder associated with love" while the corresponding verb means to "be involved in an amorous relationship with (someone)" (Concise Oxford English Dictionary). While the word "romance" does not appear in the Bible, the concept oft appears on its pages.
The Lord God manifested steadfast and unchanging love for His people (Isa. 63:7). The Hebrew word chesed, occurring here twice and 243 times in the OT, describes the loyalty and love between people, the devotion that righteous men manifest toward God, and His lovingkindness toward humanity.
Israel was oft depicted as a bride (Isa. 61:10; 62:5), but, sadly, she had proven faithless (Jer. 2:32-33). Contemplate God's heartache, as reflected in Hosea's message and mandate (Hos. 1:2).
The imagery of domestic bliss illustrates Christ's love for the church. Yes, He is head, but His leadership is sacrificial, and His love is pure and uplifting (Eph. 5:25-30).
Affirming that the Lord will be victorious over Satan and the forces of evil, the Patmos vision culminates with the marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev. 19:7-9). In the closing chapters, John said, "I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband" (Rev. 21:1-2, 9-11; cf. Heb. 12:22-24).
When our homes are founded upon biblical principles, marital love is not lacking in passion or romance (Prov. 5:15-23). Covenantal love has a deep emotional component. It is not rooted in fleeting passion, but enduring loyalty and a real commitment to fulfilling one's responsibilities and roles.
In a sex-drenched culture, many reject the biblical pattern. Our society, corrupted by unrestrained sexuality, mocks this approach. Yet, despite the pervasive emphasis on passion, the passing pleasures of sin cannot compare with the permanent joys of marital bliss.
Isaac and Rebekah shared a romantic relationship. From the moment of their meeting, he loved her. Taking Rebekah as his wife, Isaac was comforted after his mother's death (Gen. 24:62-67). Their romantic relationship is captured in this statement: "Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out through a window, and saw, and behold, Isaac was caressing his wife Rebekah" (Gen. 26:8). Other versions say he was sporting with her (KJV), showing endearment (NKJV), or that they were laughing (ESV).
Listen to the language of the Shulammite bride and her young lover. While expressing strong physical attraction, both recognize the need to postpone passion until the time is right (i.e., marriage), and to avoid conduct that would destroy their prospect for enduring happiness: "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom" (Song of Sol. 2:7-17).
The appeal of the seductress is based on lies and lust, not love. In Proverbs 7, Solomon admonished his son to avoid the allure of sexual immorality: "Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and call understanding your intimate friend; that they may keep you from an adulteress, from the foreigner who flatters with her words" (Prov. 7:4-5).
Sex is the most profound expression of an intimate, knowing, life-long marital relationship. Describing the sexual relationship of the first human pair, Genesis says, "Now the man had relations with his wife Eve (NASB Marginal Note: "lit., knew"), and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. . ." (Gen. 4:1-2, cf. v. 25; cf. Matt. 1:24-25).
Those who live in harmony with God's plan for marriage enjoy a rich, knowing relationship. Having made a lifelong commitment, they can fully and completely give themselves to each other. Such is not true of those who engage in illicit sexual behavior. The adulterer/adulteress is someone not truly known. He/she doesn't truly love, doesn't really care, nor can such a one be counted as trustworthy (Prov. 7:18-23).
Ponder the allegorical language used in Ezekiel 23 to describe apostate Israel and Judah as two sex-obsessed sisters. Ezekiel is embarrassingly blunt in describing their lustful and lascivious behavior. Playing the harlot, Oholah and Oholibah were used and abused. Captivated by external appearance and imagery, they lusted after their lovers. Yet, animalistic passion resulted in a personal debasement, defilement, and disgust.
Having considered the roles, relationships, and romance of marriage, and having contemplated the biblical pattern and counted the cost of man's corruption, how then shall we respond? Will we acknowledge God's authority and submit to His will, or shall we reject His rule and rebel against His word? Divine commands are not burdensome, but given for our good—holding the promise of happiness in the present and for all eternity (Deut. 10:12-13; 1 John 5:1-4).
Koehler Ludwig, et al. The Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament. Leiden: E.J. Brill, 1994-2000.
Soanes, Catherine and Angus Stevenson, eds. Concise Oxford English Dictionary. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004.
Swanson, James. Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains: Hebrew Old Testament. Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997.
