by Gary Watt
Synopsis: Obedience is a behavior best learned at an early age. Parents shoulder the responsibility of nurturing this quality in their children.
In the Christian home, God's word should rule and guide our family relationships. Joshua 24:15 says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Christians should understand this as our first priority. Thus, it takes precedence over the "wisdom" of the world. Serving the Lord brings with it our obedience to His word, at all times and not just when we deem it convenient. Jesus reminds us, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:5). Strong's definition of "keep" in the context of this verse is "to fulfill" or "hold fast."
Keeping our Lord's commandments is our willing conformance to His directions—in other words, obeying them. The New International Version of John 14:15 reads, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." Merriam-Webster defines the noun "obedience" as the quality or state derived from the adjective "obedient," meaning "submissive to the restraint or command of authority." The word "submissive" in the preceding emphasizes the necessity to submit our will to our Lord's will at all times. That brings us full circle back to His word, the Bible, as our guide and first resource for our understanding. The prophet Isaiah said:
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isa. 55:8-9, NKJV).
What makes us think that we know better? Lest we are tempted to ignore these Old Testament passages as no longer binding under Christ, recall what the apostle Paul said in Romans 15:4, "For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope."
I am in the eighth decade of my life, which gives me a particular perspective and clarity. I grew up in a conservative, church-going family, albeit in a religious denomination. I was a twenty-seven-year-old adult when I obeyed the gospel and became a Christian. I say this only to say that, in many ways, conforming to our Lord's will was, I believe, more challenging as an adult coming out of the world than it might have been at an earlier age. By my early twenties, I was convinced that my religious beliefs were well founded, in conformance with most of the "Christian" world around me. Also, my understanding of the Bible confirmed that I was a good person who was going to heaven when I died. My problem, of course, was that I had a limited understanding of God's word based upon a few selected verses rather than knowledge of the Scriptures as a whole.
Many have heard the saying that "hindsight is 20/20." I now see clearly that my obedience to God's word would have been easier much earlier in my life when my thoughts and "moral compass" were in their more formative period. It brings to mind the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 1:5, "I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also" and reinforced by him in 2 Timothy 3:15. This speaks to the need for cultivating obedience in our children. If obedience means that "quality of being submissive to the restraint or command of authority," then how do Christian parents cultivate and foster that behavior in their children?
First, by understanding that it is their job and not the responsibility of the church. Bible classes and sermons can and should reinforce the teaching first received at home, but the Christian home is the primary source. Delegating this duty to the church is to shirk our responsibility. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6).
In Ephesians 6:4, Paul says, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." The NASB says, "…bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." A result of "training and admonition of the Lord" is found in Ephesians 6:1-3, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.'" Note that Paul said "obey" rather than "consider." Obedience is neither optional nor intuitive; instead, it is taught and must be learned.
Second, by understanding that young people are extremely observant and perceptive. They quickly see and hear the examples displayed in the actions of their grandparents, parents, and older siblings. In the absence of teaching to the contrary, they assume the behaviors they observe are acceptable and equally apply to them. Consistency in these examples and our conformity to God's word is critical. "Do as I say and not as I do" is an unacceptable excuse in cultivating obedience in our children.
Do the children see godly examples that fit the pattern of Ephesians 5:22-33? Are their mothers following verses 22-24, which say, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything"? As heads of our households, are we following Paul's commands, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" (v. 25); and "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" (vv. 28-29)? Actions speak louder than words.
Finally, by recognizing that perhaps the most challenging part is the actual "how to" of cultivating discipline in our children. My wife and I are blessed to have two children and seven grandchildren. Parenthood is a blessing from God, but not one without challenges and the need for forethought, planning, consistency, and continued commitment. Even then, we made mistakes. Indeed, experience has been an effective teacher. I recall seeing a statement that "Parenting is not for wimps!" When inevitable frustrations arise in child-rearing, where should parents go for advice and counsel? My age has given me the benefit of learning how obedience was cultivated in the children of three generations: my grandparents, parents, and our own efforts. Now we observe it with our grandchildren. It seems every generation is presented with new ideas from learned academics and health professionals of the day about how to raise our children, although few of these ideas appear Bible-based.
As a Christian, I know God has a plan, and we need to follow it. God set forth commandments in the pages of Scripture so that His creation might live orderly lives, rooted in a respect for, and obedience to, His authority. On the contrary, a lack of respect for authority breeds disobedience, and disobedience breeds chaos. The Bible contains numerous examples where rebellion led to undesired consequences. Christian parents go first to God's word for direction in cultivating discipline in our children. Let us heed admonitions like, "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" (Prov. 13:24).
Recall that God's word tells us the father is the head of the family, and his authority is to be respected by the family members. At the same time, His word reveals the limits of the father's authority and reveals how he is to exercise it. With such authority comes responsibility and accountability. I grew up in a loving home, but continued disobedience after warnings resulted in carefully administered corporal punishment. I do not doubt that such discipline taught me behavioral limits, respect for authority, and the concept that disobedience has undesired consequences. It instilled in me the value of self-discipline. It prepared me for adult life in a world built around rules, order, and often limited patience for disobedience. While I will not delve into punishment methods, I call attention to the verse's use of the words "loves," "disciplines," and "promptly."
John 3:16 reminds us of the depth of God's love for us and, along with John 14:5, His expectations of us in return. The Scriptures contain numerous warnings from God to His people concerning their disobedience and seeking their correction. At various times, He sent judges, prophets, and later, His own Son. When His people ignored His warnings, discipline occurred with undesired consequences. Divine discipline occurred promptly, so the people clearly understood its direct connection to their disobedience. It is this same pattern that we see for the family in Proverbs 13:24. God wants parents and children to love each other deeply. However, trying to be your child's best friend is no substitute for the exercise of parental authority. These are different relationships and need to be recognized as such.
This leads me to a final caution: Beware of child-rearing theories that have little or no basis in the Bible. They change with the generations, while God's word changes not. His word is for all people at all times. Such theories, no matter how appealing or scientifically based, originate in the world. We must be ever vigilant Christian parents and measure them against John's warning in 1 John 2:15, which says, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." With God's word as their guide, Christian parents must cultivate obedience in their children to prepare them for life in the church and the world around them.
Author Bio: Gary and his wife, Joan, have been married forty-nine years, and reside in League City, TX (near Houston). Their two sons and daughters-in-law are the parents of their seven grandchildren. Before his job retirement at the end of 2015, Gary and Joan were members of the Downers Grove church of Christ near Chicago, IL where he served as an elder for forteen years. He is now serving as an elder of the Bacliff church of Christ in Bacliff, TX. He can be reached at gwwatt@gmail.com.
