by Ron Halbrook
Synopsis: Wayward children present one of the most painful trials a Christian could ever face; yet, consistent application of biblical principles help us navigate these troubled waters.
Ezekiel 18:10-13 describes a righteous man whose child becomes a thief, a violent person, an adulterer, and an idolater. This is one of the most challenging and painful experiences a parent can ever face. No words can adequately express the anguish and disappointment of parents with wayward children. Even unrighteous parents do not escape the piercings of this sharp sword. The words of Solomon ring as true today as when they were first written: "A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him" (Prov. 17:25).
The Bible records numerous examples of the tragedy of wayward children and gives priceless guidance to saints who walk by faith, not by sight, in the face of such devastating storms.
God experienced the grief of wayward children when Adam and Eve first violated His love and trust by sinning against Him. Little could they have realized that their sinful conduct would be compounded in the sins of their children and the human family at large. All of us enter this same house of horrors when we sin: "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). None of us can measure the devastating impact of our sins!
We are amazed to learn that God did not give up on His wayward children. Satan used a woman to introduce sin into the world, but God promised to use a woman to bring our Savior into the world. God told Satan, "I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel" (Gen. 3:15). The seed of woman to be wounded by Satan was the Son of God. We are astonished to learn that it cost God His only begotten Son to make a way to restore His wandering children to His fellowship!
The halls of history are littered with examples of wayward children. Who can measure the anguish of Adam and Eve when Cain killed Abel in anger over his brother's righteous conduct? Abel's blood cried out to God for justice, and Cain bore the punishment of his sin the rest of his days. Their parents lost two sons. God gladdened their hearts by the birth of Seth, but they carried the wounds of losing two boys to the grave. Read Genesis 4 and weep with them!
After Jacob deceived Isaac in order to receive Esau's birthright, Esau planned to murder his brother. When the plot was reported to his mother Rebekah, she in desperation sent Jacob away to hide among their relatives in Haran "until thy brother's fury turn away" (Gen. 27:44). This painful separation stretched across twenty years. Sibling hatred brings the bitter fruit of suspicion, emotional alienation, physical separation, and lost opportunities to build precious ties and memories. Above all, the parents suffer broken hearts!
Jacob's display of favoritism toward Joseph, combined with the resentment of his sons over Joseph's prophetic dreams, resulted in such bitter hatred in the hearts of Joseph's brothers that they sold him into slavery. They concocted a tale about finding Joseph's coat covered in blood and let their father think that an animal mauled their son. In spite of many efforts to comfort Jacob, he drowned in grief saying, "For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him" (Gen. 37:35). Jacob's wayward sons left this heavy burden on his heart for many years—it was lifted in the end only by God's good providence. Changing circumstances of life sometimes contribute to children coming to their senses and making correction.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 reveals the cold reality of wayward children who become hopelessly hardened cases. The Law of Moses spoke here of cases where a young man raised by righteous parents becomes so hardened that the humiliated parents were required to bring their son before the judges. He was to be executed in order to protect the community from harm and corrupting influences. The ingratitude and rebellion of such a son pierces his parents' hearts with a thousand swords!
While King David repented of his adultery, he lost the moral leadership of his family. His son, Amnon, raped his daughter Tamar, and what could David do but writhe in pain, knowing his own example was a disgraceful stumbling block to others? Absalom tired of waiting for his father to punish his brother, and plotted Amnon's murder and fled into hiding for three years (2 Sam. 13). Later, Absalom arrogantly courted the hearts of Israel and drove his father from Jerusalem, intending to wrest the reins of power from him (2 Sam. 15). Afterward, Joab, always watchful for David's safety and political interests, killed Absalom on the battlefield, contrary to David's wishes. The Bible records David's anguished, heart-wrenching reaction upon receiving the news: "And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Sam. 18:33).
Wayward children appear in the personal teaching of Jesus. He used the examples of children who first rebel and then repent in contrast to some who profess loyalty and then rebel, in order to illustrate the condition of the Gentile people and the nation of Israel (Matt. 21:28-32). The Gentile world which had brazenly turned away from the true God was open to hear and obey the gospel of Christ, whereas the proud Jews who professed their loyalty to God rejected Christ.
The well-known Parable of the Prodigal is really the Parable of Two Prodigal Sons. One hit the bottom of the barrel in immoral, riotous conduct, but finally repented. The other son lived a righteous life, but became self-righteous in his refusal to receive his penitent brother (Luke 15:11-32). Self-righteous Jewish leaders were not ready to receive humble sinners who repented at the preaching of Jesus.
In one of the most scorching sermons ever preached, Jesus accused Israel's religious leaders of being hypocrites, blind guides, whited sepulchers, venomous vipers, and hardhearted, wayward children. He spoke not in bitterness, but like a brokenhearted father, pled with them, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!" (Matt. 23:37). Nothing else could be done for them in heaven or on earth. God left them desolate, alone, to be destroyed by their own folly.
The New Testament reveals that we will face the challenge of wayward children in the Church of Christ. God teaches us to admonish, rebuke, warn and plead in every way possible to bring them to godly sorrow and repentance. Then, if they reject God's word, we must withdraw from them. God gave a procedure when one brother sins against another (Matt. 18:15-17). The offended party should first privately seek reconciliation. If that fails, he will bring witnesses to strengthen the appeal. If that fails, the matter will be brought before the church for the final step of discipline.
The apostles were guided by the Holy Spirit to direct the church in disciplining wayward members. First, there must be concentrated admonition to restore the fallen saint (1 Thess. 5:14). If all efforts fail, Christ commands the local church to withdraw its fellowship from the Christian who has fallen into sin. There must be a public announcement to inform and unite the church in taking this painful step. It is all done in love to save the sinner, not to destroy him (1 Cor. 5; 2 Thess. 3:6-15). How long we should plead with the wayward member is a matter of judgment, considering such factors as the nature of the sin and the attitude of the offender. At every step we must speak "the truth in love," and even after the final step, we manifest our Father's love for wayward children: "Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother" (Eph. 4:15; 2 Thess. 3:15).
Author Bio: Ron Halbrook and David Dann serve together as evangelists for the Hebron Lane Church of Christ in Shepherdsville, Kentucky. Ron began his work with the church in 1997. In addition to the local work, Ron makes four trips to the Philippines each year and does meeting work here in the US. The church website is hebronlane.com. He can be reached at halbrook@twc.com.
